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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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8:13 am - Du musst mir erzaehlen, meine Liebe, wie viel du kannst tun.
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Life is too crazy for me. I feel like I know what I want to do with my life, because I do. And I've lived in Germany for a month now, and my German certainly spews out without trouble, except for things like work order, grammar, and correct words.
for ex. Me: "Hey Anne, should we put the dishes in your personal actor?"
Anne: "Umm...that's a dishwasher. And it's my family's."
me: "We're making a really complicated kitchen."
Anne: "..."
Anne: "You mean cake?"
Who was I kidding? When is life too crazy for me? Only when I've had a bit too much to drink and attempt to bicycle through cement blocks.
Anyway, yeah. I miss Amelie. I want to be wherever she is. And I want to hug her and give her tea and then she can yell at me for believing a cup of tea fixes everything when it actually doesn't (this is always news to me) and then everything will be what I'm used to.
Ja und? Ich liebe mein Leben hier, das stimmt. Alles ist spannend, ich schlafe viel und habe fast kein Stress.
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| Monday, December 4th, 2006
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10:48 pm - you may be right
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This morning after breakfast I spent 30 minutes walking around Edinburgh in crazy winds feeling completely excited about it all. I saw a shop where they'll put anything you want on a t-shirt, but I couldn't think of anything at the moment. too bad, cause we're driving to St. Andrews tomorrow and won't be back.
Anyway, I'm completely in love with the city of Edinburgh. I had to be back to the room by 10:30 because I needed to write one of those nagging college essays. So...I spent 30 minutes making a college apps playlist on itunes. Then I actually wrote my college essay for stanford. Where I probably won't get in, but it doesn't really matter because I think I'm going to use the essay for just about every other application I can. I'm putting it up here because I actually kind of like it. Feel free to look at it or not, as with everything, eh? after all, other people's essays aren't always the most exciting :D But I'll give a you a clue: it's got a psychic, a poem, drugs, and tarot cards in it ^_^ sort of.
( Read more... )
you may be right, I may be crazy! But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for. It's too late to fight; it's too late to change me. you may be wrong for all I know, but you may be right :D
Peace of mind? It's a piece of cake. Thought control? You get on board anytime you like!
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8:16 am - hello again!
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Completely forgot about LJ for about 3 weeks. Now I'm in Edinburgh, Scotland, looking at universities. Crazy, huh? After this, I go to Sweden to hang out with Amelie YAY! I LOVE YOU AMELIE! which I am ever so excited about! Then I go to Germany and live w. a hostfamily (which is actually my friend Anne's family) for 3 1/2 months or so with is...a bit...scary and exciting.
All's good. I REALLY need to apply to college though...I'm applying to too many places. I'd be happy going to Edinburgh, I think, but I didn't learn nearly as much about it as I did about Stanford, for ex. Everything here's so new: the way people talk and act, the currency, even the weather, but I love new things. I'm just trying to figure out whether I want to stay in America or Europe or what. It's funny, I could move to somewhere in Asia or even Africa for my future, but it's never really occured to me. Probably cause I'm a citizen of the US and EU, and that's where I've spent all of my life.
Yeah, so it's almost 8:30 now and that's when my dad wakes up. I should probably do college apps or something...the horror...but I really shouldn't be complaining because life is pretty fantastic.
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| Friday, November 3rd, 2006
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3:28 am - movies
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God, I'm so tired. My head hurts - I'm wishing longingly for the days when I didn't always have a million stressful things to do that my whole future apparently depended on. Gahh...I have to write this lab, make up two fake eco journal entries, write this paper on right speech (which I sucked at) not do math homework because I haven't done math homework since the beginning of the year, etc, etc. Unfortunately, this Saturday I'm taking the German SAT II with listening, which promises to eat me whole, and I can't study for it tomorrow because I'm going on a field trip immediately from when classes get out to 10 at night. Shit. GSA movie night is tomorrow, and I spent 3 hours in town today searching for the damn movie, Almost Normal, which doesn't even promise to be that great but isn't rated R. Every single GLBT related movie in existence is rated R just because it's GLBT related. We can't show R rated movies to the school because uh oh! we might scare some innocent little freshman? Piss off a parent? It's BS, and it's not like they don't show graphic movies in class (like Black Robe and Der Untergang.) GSA used to be able to show R rated movies, too, before they used the rating as an excuse to require parental permission for anyone to see Brokeback Mountain. Then it was the reason we couldn't see Crash as a school. Crash, btw, is a phenomenal movie and if you haven't seen it, you should.
Soo...anybody know any queer movies rated PG13?
F this. I invited Julia over tomorrow because I forgot I'd be completely gone, stressing over standardized tests while visiting a buddhist temple. Is that supposed to be ironic, or just unfortunate?
I wonder if I'm malnourished. I haven't been eating breakfast, and lunch usually consists of a box of raisins and some chips. Maybe an apple. I had turkey for dinner though. That's protein. It's probably just this annoying cold I'm getting over. Makes life blah. If I still feel icky when I take the SAT, I'll fail it, because I need ABSOLUT powers of concentration to even keep up with it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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| Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
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3:44 am - NaNoWriMo
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National Novel Writing Month starts tomorrow! Still have no clue what I'm going to do...wish me luck! Happy Halloween, everyone.
Let's get ready for a month of no sleep, and then...off to Germany! Whoohoo!
My goal this year: no hallucinations. Sweeeet.
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| Saturday, October 21st, 2006
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4:26 pm - pictures!
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Mrs. Barwell's daughter's friend Catie sent me some pictures of St. Andrews (she's been really nice and answered a bunch of my questions about it.) Anyway, these are the pictures.
( Read more... )
Then I also wanted to add the photographs from my hinduism class visiting a hindu temple in Mass. That was an awesome fieldtrip, btw. Even the bus ride, though long, was really fun - I got to hang out with Leigh, Nobu, Chris, and Devin who are in the other class, and we played cards in the back of the bus. It was such a lovely break from this stressful, prep-school bubble; we acted like normal people for once and had fun. hehehehehehehe.
( Read more... )
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| Thursday, October 19th, 2006
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7:13 pm - i lost myself
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i lost myself in misery.
the clouds grew huge; i lost the sun.
Sometimes I think that everyone
is small and wandering like me.
i lost myself, distracted there
in all my friends who mill around,
and every small, determined sound:
a bird's long chirp against the air.
i lost myself in every crush
of students stressing, shouting, lost,
their writing, eating, running costs
of lack of sleep, their crazy rush.
we're losing all that we have gained,
what made us individuals,
our art. Our lives are rituals.
We'll leave when we've become the same.
(then scattered from our homes and friends,
too late to help each other up,
I'll blossom like a buttercup,
and then I'll see the sky again.)
yes last verse? no last verse? Yes I should have just gone to sleep and then I possibly could have got six hours of sleep instead of almost five? I would say I don't understand myself at 2am, but really I understand myself at 2am rather well. Unfortunately. At least I wrote something (sometimes the quality is immaterial.) I think I'll go take a nap now.
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| Sunday, October 15th, 2006
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6:04 pm
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| Thursday, September 7th, 2006
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8:57 pm - at school
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Well, I haven't updated in a while. Anyway, now I'm sitting in a classroom in the midst of the senior class elections. How exciting. So far we've elected a president: Karl S, a vp: Annie B, and a secretary: Tommy G. (Normally I don't use initials but I don't think it's right to put people's full names on the internet.) We'll probably be done with treasurer by the time I finish writing this.
I got back to school yesterday. I feel absolutely exhausted. I didn't have sheets yet last night, so I was freezing all night. Then I spent from 9am to 3pm (with lunch break) carrying huge boxes & sofas & whatever else the entire school had in storage. I still haven't anything like finished moving into my own room yet. I have tons of Amelie's stuff here...Am, it really was impossible to organize it all when we evacuated... but now it can't possibly fit in my room. I'm going to try and ship the posters to Sweden, even though Tom at the post office says it'll take a month to get there. The rest I'll eventually pack into my empty luggage and take home on some weekend.
Elections are over. They haven't announced the winner of treasurer yet - its between Mary & Aaron. anyone wants to know, ask me later; I'm out. It's not exactly that interesting anyway.
Oh, yeah: I have the best room in the entire dorm. Two windows! and a hardwood floor!
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| Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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12:45 pm
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remember a week ago when I said I was only at work for 3 more days? Well, it turns out I really meant 8. I ended up staying a week longer than planned cause they needed someone to work the reception desk (so I actually get paid for it :o) yayyy! Well, now when I leave I think I really will be ready for it, unlike last week. I'm excited to have some free time again.
ooh, also excited for lunch. Hmm...where shall I go today? Didn't bring anything from home so...the kabob place in the food court? marvelous market? one of the million bad chinese restaurants in chinatown?
I mean, look at it. Every choice is exciting. Then, when I actually get in to marvelous market, or the kabob place, I'll have to decide what to eat, what to drink, where to sit! How fun! Freedom, approx. 8 minutes away.
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| Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
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9:59 am
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well, I haven't updated in a while. I'm at work now, at the reception desk. Is muy fun. kind of. more like boring.
Eh, well, interning at the Goethe Institut Washington is actually wonderful. Lots of German language and culture and football world cup. I do lots of other things besides sit at the reception, but at the moment I haven't any other jobs to do while here.
Well, Norma just called and apparently the phone isn't working, which just might be why no one has called. Oh, me.
DC in summer = hot & humid. Helena with a job = pretty tired because I get up at seven but I still stay up until at least midnight most of the time. I need time to answer my creative impulses, after all. At the moment I'm turning chapter 7 of my novel into a short story. I sent it to my email so I'd have something to do at the reception desk, but I don't feel like writing at the moment. I haven't written poetry since the last time I updated. I have been drawing, though, for the first time since I was 9 or 10. It's fun, but it all feels like what Douglas Dunn said in "I Am A Cameraman:"
Life flickers on the frame like beautiful hummingbirds.
This is the film that always comes out blank.
The painting the artist can't get shapes to fit.
The poem that shrugs off every word you try.
The music no one has ever heard.
Oh, man, I hate it when I screw up. Just left somebody on hold for too long cause I couldn't find the person they needed to speak to. Crap. Oh, well. Deep breath. First job, can't be perfect, and plus I'm only here for 3 more days.
BLAH!
ttyl
current mood:  bored
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| Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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5:57 pm - after the flood
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School = canceled for the rest of the year & I'm home now and if you want to see pictures of my school you can find them here http://mistoverfm.org/sps/flood
new rough poem:
After The Flood
One photograph appears again and again. The water,
rushing across the street, scattering the bricks, digging
a gaping hole out of the sidewalk.
>->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->The bare pipes
seem like a skeleton to me now, sticking out of the ground
like fossils. The empty walls of the building protect a small
pond – its only life: mold and ruined art. Below, pieces
of the computers are floating, lost, suddenly purposeless.
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| Sunday, May 14th, 2006
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4:31 pm - flooding!
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for the next two days I'll be living w. Julia because the flooding here is so bad we're all confined to our dorms. They had to evacuate 4 dorms already, which means Con is overfilled, and they're asking anyone who can to go local. The water is f-ing crazy...up to the level of the bridges; the road in front of the post office collapsed this morning. More updates later...
the Nane
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| Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
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11:52 pm - Tree-Thinking You
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edges fade; I
stare into your brown eyes and laugh-louds,
light beaming from sun-singing branches
& shining on singing like smiling,
light lifting the tattered clouds drifting,
laugh-linking the longing green branches
enfolding you, bright earthy leafling.
(you grow smiles like radiant daisies,
drop bluebells that calm me like music,
like blurry dreams.)
complaint from school magazine: they won't publish my poems because they don't think anybody will understand them. (most of them - a some of them just need work)
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| Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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8:37 pm - a tiny & amused rant
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I cannot recall ever having a crush for this long. I believe it has been at least 4 months. Every time I think I'm going to get over her, she goes and does something like act or write an amazing poem or hug me.
Then it's all out the window again!
Guess what? As of yesterday I am seventeen! I survived my first birthday without Amelie. Now I will go off and attempt to survive my math test.
Going home tomorrow for the weekend. Bring lovely Anne w. me (almost is a good exchange for living w. her family in Germany for 3 months next year :P) Booyah!
haha...soon I shall get my act together and cope...then no one will be able to stop me!
oohh, the stressss
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| Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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12:42 pm - last night I dreamt that I grew wings (found a place where they could hear me...)
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I don't know why I'm writing again. Everythings seems pointless. I don't know why I do what I do everyday except that there is no other option but to keep on working. Every time I turn around someone shouts at me to be responsible. I can't screw up my future by taking time for myself. If I let anything slip I'll regret it later - it's not an option. But not letting anything slip means I have to work harder than I'm doing.
I don't study enough. I don't sleep enough. Where does my time go? Is the whole term going to be like this? Am starting to hate the pressure that never lets up, that's been accumulating steadily for all these years. It's got to end somewhere but it doesn't end anywhere in sight. Why are so few people happy when we have so much? Why do we fuck things up for ourselves?
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| Monday, April 24th, 2006
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12:16 pm
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the grass is so wet outside it looks like the sugary stuff from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's been raining vaguely for a couple of days.
Saturday night when I was sitting under the stage listening to Gabe's aria it was one of those times...I'm not sure. Everything just sort of fits and the fact that we're all here seems so amazing. Sometimes you look around at everyone and think "This is what we are." The newb in the headset sitting across from me (hehe), the actors above us and all the singers behind us on stages we built, and beyond that the dorms outside and all this ridiculous teenage life everywhere, it all felt very special suddenly. I like those times when you just want to lean back and soak in everything and feel appreciative and glad you are who you are.
I've had some wonderfully happy moments recently. I think right now the weather is adding to the gloom, though. Ty said at lunch that everything I said seemed tinged w. sadness, and he was right, but I'm sure it's just a phase. In two days, I'm seventeen. I have mixed feelings about this. I didn't think I would have a birthday without my twin sister for a lot longer, and I thought it would be a choice. It'll be fun, though. I'll do something exciting! (nothing illegal...)
Weird that the show's over. Yesterday was the last performance, and the techies came out and bowed, which felt weird. Then we worked till 11:30 pm striking the set, which was fun. We still have lots to do. My absolute favorite part was building the set. My acting teacher said he worked as a stage carpenter in college...maybe I could do that someday.
( quizzes )
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| Monday, April 10th, 2006
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3:34 pm
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Once you are tagged you MUST write a blog entry about your 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to chose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.
tagged by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.3) animus_wyrmis
ummm....I have quirks? I don't have quirks!
1. Plants communicate with me telepathically.
2. Sunlight makes me happy instantly. Yay! Here comes the sun! :D
3. I'm ridiculously easy to see through. Can't hide anything.
4. hahahahahahaha
5. According to my roommate, I melt into things. Like her. And the floor. And her icehockey equipment? whatever...
6. identical twinness! What's cooler than that? *sends Amelie love*
Okay...I tag...*spins and points*
honorbound shutmyeyestosee fashions_alter specialcheezit luckycee
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| Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
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1:14 pm
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http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/01/AR2006020100329.html
ARGHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STUPID, STUPID MAN! I effing want to SHOOT him! How can he DO this to people in our country?
What the hell? Budget cuts for welfare, student loans, and medicaid? That is, after he's proposed permanent tax cuts for the rich? I wouldn't have that much of a problem w. the tax cuts if he hadn't pulled off this crap! *waves around big sword angrily* Oh, where is Anduril when I need it?
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| Friday, January 27th, 2006
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12:36 pm - Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years
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Let's Dance. Everything Will Be Alright.
(come up and see me, make me smile)
And the days go by, let the water hold me. Into the blue again...
Hug me.
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